My Life My Story
by SaraM09
Summary: My name is Sara and My Story is one you won't forget and maybe one you've lived yourself to.
1. Chapter 1

_My Life My Story_

_05/20/2010_

_You'd think that with me being almost twenty years old I would pretty much have everything straight in my life. I would have a full year of college course's done, steady job, and my weight disappearing from my huge fat ass looking body. Don't get me wrong I have confidence in myself, but the way my mother makes those snide little comments about the way I dress or "honey if only you'd lose a little bit of weight," It's sad and I've learned to live with it and yes its pathetic, but I'm the one having to deal with it. _

_Not everything is as it seems in my little "happy" life that I'm supposedly living. Fact: I signed up for a full load of classes in college. Fiction: I completed all of them with at least all A's and B's. Truth: Well they say the truth hurts I have a GPA of 1.75 and Have a credit of four classes in one year. It's my first year out of High School and I couldn't handle the norm of being a college kid. I had to overcome my stupidity, stubbornness, and unknowing knowledge of the way things work in college. Now with SFASU in my lists of goals to go to I'm going to work harder to get my GPA back up and transfer after the fall semester. I know I'll be happier there._

_So for people who think that I have many friends are a little bit jealous of that, but I wouldn't go so far as to say I have many friends but I have just a few. Especially at SFA the people down there are very friendly in many ways pun intended. I think that if I do move down to nac that my life will be not easier, but at least happier and more confident to do more things and not just be stuck in one area. Gladewater is my second hometown, I will always remember those crazy drunken and sober nights I've had in this small little town. Now I need a new start somewhere that I know I can make a name for myself and I know I'll find it at SFA. I will have to do this all on my own, but I'm willing to do it and nothing no one is stopping me from my dream. The Dream of being an Art Director and winning an Oscar and walking my ass on the stage speechless tears will be flowing down my eyes no doubt and yes of course I'll forget a few people thanking the usual's saying "I never thought I would ever get this award in my lifetime", but in my head I'll be saying "I fucking did it bitches!" _

_Last thing on my mind is my boyfriend Jhermy French. He is one complicated holy-roller of a simplistic person. I'm not too sure what in the hell is going on in our relationship right now, maybe I rushed into the physical stuff with him not that we've had sex I'm not one to take a guys virginity its….weird and especially his. I've told him I've had sex just not with who never will. Lately I have been feeling a little forgotten so I've kind of brushed it off he's working a lot more now that he's graduated college with a web masters degree. I certainly don't mind him hanging out with his buddy's or his best friend Jimbo. I don't think I smother him or do I? I thought a boyfriend is supposed to text you every morning or day telling you good morning or asking how your days going while putting in the cute smiley faces saying he misses you? I try to put in effort, but I feel like the once strong line on the heart monitor is getting weaker. Is this what falling out of love feels like? I found a couple of texts on his phone from someone I know I went to High School with her she's a junior and goes to his church. It seems he talks to her more than me. He makes more of an effort with her than me leaving me to look and feel like a damn fool. I have never truly had a "boyfriend" that I've really cared about that has showed me off to his friends, taken me on dates, paid for my shit without me asking, kissing me when I least expect it, texting calling making plans to see me when we can, how can all of that go south I don't really know what to do. It's easy to flirt and I could cheat but I know I could never cheat on the person I'm with. It's easy, but the guy I would cheat on him with wouldn't be worth it. He's "screwed" me over its all lust and there's nothing else there never will be. I'm over him. I just wish I could make a decision about Jhermy everyday my heart grows weaker and weaker I'm in doubt and scared I know what heart break feels like and I don't want to repeat it with a guy I actually have been honest with. I shouldn't lead him on it would be the worst thing in the end I have to make a decision and it will suck I'll defiantly need a drink or a good feeling pill, or maybe some demon. _

_I don't have a pill addiction at all I love the feeling of being numb from the world and my surroundings being able to cover myself up in a blanket on my bed and sleeping and not dreaming. I was addicted to pills my sophomore and junior year and half of my senior year. Once I took a vicoden and I felt the level I was on it made my mind go into a state of smooth sailing simplicity. While under the effect of this small pill I felt relaxed nothing could affect my high. All throughout my dad's ordeal and with everything else when I took them even at school I was the same person just more mellow I could control my crying and get out of anything, pretend to be sick so nurse Blear would send me home. Someone noticed though they told my parents and I noticed they started to keep count of their pills. I got clever and made up a reason to have the special pills not caring which one just knowing the ones that would get me back to the level I loved and longed to be at. The thing that changed is when I overdosed. I can remember the feeling I wasn't in control like the other times. No this had me on my ass in a split five minutes my whole body out of control barely able to react. I was in and out that night I even had to go to school the next day face my parents and pretend like nothing happened, I can tell you I looked worse than shit. I looked like I had been dragged to hell throughout the night with enough time to get back to go to school. It was the last place I wanted to be but a place I needed to be to think out how stupid I was and that I could have died and it was only my sophomore year. For the next year I was watched with medicine they made damn sure that any kind of medicine I put in my mouth wasn't going to be addicting, that it would make me hate pills for the rest of my life._


	2. What Do I Do?

_What Do I Do?_

_05/21/2010_

_I think I've lost my best guy friend. I know people are probably saying you're overreacting or over analyzing the situation but I don't think I am anymore. It feels awkward between Aaron and I and its tearing me up inside. Ever since that damn picture of me was leaked and him and I getting in trouble, I just feel like he can't act normal. I feel I can't let my guard down when I'm with him or his family now. The last thing I ever wanted was to give off a bad image about the Cates family. Mark IMed me on Facebook today and here's how it went:_

_Mark_

_So Aaron told me what happened are you mad_

_3:55pmMark_

_Are you mad at me?_

_3:56pmMe_

_nuh uh no I'm not mad still confused but naw it's whatever now I just gotta go on and do what I do_

_3:57pmMark_

_Yeah are you mad at Aaron_

_3:59pmMe_

_not mad, just I don't want him or his family to look bad and that was the last thing I wanted people to see the picture it just irritates me that he and Steven can still talk but it happens and I can't keep bringing it up every time I see him_

_4:02pmMark_

_Yeah don't worry your gunna come over to the cates to see me on the 5th_

_4:03pmMe_

_I'll be there sir_

_and thanks mark for checking up on me_

_4:05pmMark_

_no problem_

_You know Aaron still loves you right_

_t_

_4:07pmMe_

_Yeaah I know_

_glad he can still put up with my clumsy self_

_4:08pmMark_

_yeah, i think you should swing by there_

_were you told you couldnt go over anymore_

_4:11pmMark_

_are you typing or is my computer messed up_

_4:11pmMe_

_lol i just finishesd I dont think you got the last conversation I sent hold on_

_4:11pmMark_

_ok_

_4:11pmMe_

_I just his whole family you and especially miss kathy means the world to me I just feel like I let them down and Im still kind of delaying myself from visiting yet_

_4:13pmMark_

_well get off your ass and go tell htem that, nothing is goin to change til you do something_

_so take my advise and go over there later tonight dont call just show up and tell them wat you just told me, they love you too and they would never want you to feel horrible bout something as stupid as this_

_4:15pmMe_

_Yeah your right Just stressing over somthing I dont need to anymore. I might just pop in this evening. But I'll be over the 5th_

_4:17pmMark_

_yeah you will and your gunna go over there tonight and your gunna give ms cates a hug and tell her you love her and tell her your sorry for "letting her down" and trust me i know the cates better then anybody they will act as if nothing even happened as long as you know you fucked up "and im not saying that you did" they will forgive you and thats all there is too it_

_you know im never wrong so just do as i say and all will be well_

_4:19pmMe_

_lol Yes Sir I will do just that !_

_4:20pmMark_

_good_

_im never wrong remember_

_4:21pmMe_

_Thanks mark and yes Aaron has planted it in my head lol_

_4:21pmMark_

_wat that im always right_

_wat did he say_

_4:22pmMe_

_lol yeahh well hes like marks gotten me outta alot of shit so just say yes_

_4:22pmMark_

_wat yo utalkin to him now too_

_4:22pmMe_

_lol nuh uh_

_past tense_

_4:23pmMark_

_oic_

_4:25pmMark_

_well he is right in this instance cuz i am always right_

_how do you think i played every sport our school offered and still graduated in the top of my class_

_4:28pmMe_

_lol Well... Yeah I know he told me it was you and him togteher throughout highschool he said he couldn't elaberate more on the stories cause of man law ? lol_

_4:30pmMark_

_lol_

_im the reason he passed calculus and statistics_

_and gov. and eco_

_Sara Marjorie May 21 at 4:32pm_

_Lmao wow the things you two got away with will make me wonder but imma get off here do some chores and go and pop in on them. Guess I'll see you the th with a pie in my hands_

_Mark Jones May 21 at 4:46pm_

_sounds good, and you better go over there tonight_

_And So I did I wrapped up a pie for him and listened to Marks advice and went for it. I got there walked in and Kel, Kelsey, and Aaron were there. I think if anyone else were there they would defiantly sense the tension go into the room as quick as cold air coming out of vents. Aaron got up asked me the usual and ushered me outside. Aaron says to me "You didn't call and tell me you where coming over." Usually I was always welcome to come by, but I just say I wanted to drop by. When he notices it's almost five he says his mom will kill him if she knows I'm here and he didn't tell her. So noticing my cue I say I'll leave so he won't get in trouble. Well as always he makes up an excuse saying Him Kel and Kelsey are going to Longview and that if I want he'll give me a call later (which means don't worry I'm just saying something to make you think I still want to hang out with you.) I told him "Naw its okay I'll be over on the 5th although." He said No you're not that's when Kayla's recital is and when Mark is coming home. I told him "yeah I know I talked to mark he said he wanted me to come over and stuff." Aaron just kind of gave me a look (a look of yeah whatever) and just surged it off and just said "I don't know." Kind off mumbling it not saying it. Right then it gets real uncomfortable so I make an excuse again to go and before I leave he says "Love you S." _

_I fucking hate that he can say that and I just forgive him. Why can't I be mad or stay mad at him. He's making me want to punch a wall its stupid he's doing the same things again. Why can't he just put it down I love the high yeah its nice just like the happy pills I used to take, but it can't ever get anyone anywhere. I came home made and excuse to my parents saying I had cramps and cried in bed. I have no one else to go to and cry with Kayli in Kilgore, but she works all the time and there is no one else. I'm so sick of this it's just like Allison and I when I knew are friendship was falling to pieces. My heart hurts like it did before and I'm getting physically ill again from all of this bull shit. I want everything to be fine again I know it's not and that I need to get over it. Here's the question how can I get over this when I've done everything in my power as a friend to help Aaron out and then this one thing happens and he becomes a ghost? I really don't know much of anything anymore. I don't even know if I should go to see Mark at his house on the 5th? I really could use a shot of crown and coke it would make my brain shut down and be at ease._


End file.
